Struggle

Life here can be hard. There are things I take for granted that are not available – the phone for example. Even land lines are pre-paid if they are not paid up you can't call.

Then there are the mosquitoes – its bad enough that these insects exist at all – but here the night time ones carry malaria. Every morning I examine my children for new bites. Tonight after dealing with 24+ hours of diarrhea in the kids, I found several new bites on my son's back. There is no way to keep these creatures off him.

Today was one of those days I wanted life not to be such a struggle. I was tired from being up at night with sick kids, at the doctor with sick kids who are sick but thankfully not sick with an exotic tropical disease.

I had wanted to go to the grocery store, but between the doctors, the road work and the errand which took the vehicle away for three hours instead of the expected one -- there was no grocery trip today. This means breakfast and lunch will be a bit sparse tomorrow.

In the big scheme, these are little inconveniences. But when these little things all happen together, in a country far from home, with family and friends far away – I needed some soul support.

At times like these – I turn to music. Norah Jones is one my favorites - “if it were any other day, this wouldn't get the best of me, but today I'm not so strong, so lay me down with a sad song...don't bend me or I will break, find me somewhere between my dreams...I will still feel it later on, but for now I'd rather be asleep”. Her mellow music normalizes my feelings – only then can I hear the words of hope in scripture.

The order is important – it follows the pattern of the psalms – staring with lament and turning to praise.

The feelings I am experiencing now are important too. Being uncomfortable and experiencing the rough edge of like is most people in this world's every day. In the States I am busy but comfortable. Being here pushes me to the edge of my ability to cope. The longer I am here, the less reserves I find in myself. Yet, when all the societal supports are stripped away, the Lord is my strength.

[Note – I wrote this blog some days ago and have just now been able to post it. Today has been a better day – the kids are both napping, their dad is coming back to Kampala after having been in The DR Congo for ten days and I was able to volunteer at Wakisa Ministries this morning.]